So, I should talk a bit about cycling in Perth. There are as I had mentioned previously, many cyclists here. And thus, more good cyclists which is unfortunate for the ego, but fortunate for motivation. This seems to be especially true in the club that I ride in.
Their rides are typically divided into 6 levels, with people joining a level based on their ability. For the first ride, I joined level 1 (level 0 is full of crazy fast people) thinking that I will do fine. Not so. I was fine to keep up with them for the first 30 min, but soon, I just don't have the power anymore. So I got swiped up by the level 2 group. I can side track and say that I do get up very early at 5.15 am and ride 10 miles (fast pace) to meet with the club, but I don't think they are much of an excuse. For later rides, I joined level 2, that was a much better pace for me but still I need to avoid the back otherwise I risk getting dropped. Rides with the club are seriously mind bogglingly humbling, and there I was thinking that I was some cycling hot shot.
So I decided to follow my training program as set out by my coach more closely the past week. I saw a significant improvement on a ride that I did last Thursday. And was eager to test it out in the club setting.
Today, there was a level 1.5 group which I happily joined. The first hour was fine and feels cruisy, then suddenly I was out of power and saw a gap opening fast. The president of the club rode next to me and without a word gave me a push (as he has done many times whenever I am in the same group as him). It's SO embarrassing. When I started out with this club, there was a really nice guy who started pushing me up a hill. I told him that I don't need him to push me. But now, I realize that I can't say no, otherwise I would just get dropped. After the ride, a female cyclist told me that they were all jealous because I got pushed by him.....I guess it's because he is the president of the club and is surprisingly good looking. I appreciate him helping me, but at the same time, it feels so belittling and just.....just sad. I need to be better. It's a matter of honor and pride.....life and death lol.
Another matter, a few weeks ago, while I was sleeping at night, there was a sudden jolt of pain in my stomach and I was feeling feverish and overall in such a bad state that I thought about waking up my mum to go to the hospital, but then decided I should be ok and tried to sleep through it. Anyways, I woke up the next morning without any pain and told my mum about what happened. She immediately said that I need to get a bf to care for me......just another occasion for her to bring it up. What she doesn't know is that while I think it's fine to have a bf and see him a few times a week, at this point, I don't want to give up my freedom to live together with someone. This point of view may change later, but for the near future, I am focusing on my work and of course on cycling :).
This reminds me of something else, dad had given a speech to us girls (my little sister and I, twin sister was luckily away) in the family about how he feels that we disrespect him. He went on to say that he guarantees that no man, in this world, would ever be better to us than he is to us. I nearly burst out laughing when I heard this but suppressed it and sat through 2 hours of similar bs (he even tried to sabbotage my relationship with my siblings and with my mum, I won't go into details here). Mum and twin sister were both surprised that I was able to sit through all of this, well, it's either because I could control myself better and/or I just don't give a shit about him anymore. Yet, I am sad because I know that it must be sad for him to feel this way, however, respect and for that matter, love, are built and earned through action and not through words.
