Thoughts

I'm rereading some of my previous posts and I realized how much has changed since the beginning of this year. For one I stopped running and swimming all together. These are like my flying, kung fu and numerous other one time hobbies, after a few tries, I realize I'm just not interested. But what has changed the most is that I've decided to take cycling more seriously now and in the future. Before I was very stressed about finding a good job, but now, the actual job is less important. I'm only going to work there for 2 years and I'm getting it to save up money. Location is the main thing, it needs to be near mountains, have cycling clubs and hopefully good weather too. It's so nice to have dreams and aspirations. Sure, I'd love to cure cancer, it brings me a feeling of accomplishment to know that I have helped people. But cycling brings me happiness. After I retire from cycling, I will have the rest of my life to achieve my cancer curing goal (if I still want to go down that path).

Of course mum is not pleased and kept telling me that I have studied so much and I'd be wasting my time in cycling. I explain to her that I believe life is simply too short to not be happy and one shouldn't live ones life according to what society dictates as a more respectable or prestigious path. If I don't try out cycling, I can imagine myself having a midlife crisis where I will realize that I have lived my life out for others instead of for myself. As well, why would I continue to go down a path when I know that another path would lead to more happiness? It's sorta like gambling, lots of people loose money because they feel that they have already invested in so much, and are not willing to give up - this of course, leads to them loosing more money and going in a downwards spiral. Even if, in the hopefully minuscule chances that I end up sucking as a cyclist, I'd know that I have given it a try and hence have no regrets :)

Years ago mum advised me that I should conform to society instead of make society conform to me. As you can see, I've always had the tendency to question social norms and break rules to suit myself (if I'm not hurting anyone, then what's the harm!?) At that point I thought what she said was wise because following what she suggested did make life smoother. But now I'm starting to doubt it being a good idea for me. I don't want to be pushed along by the flow of society, go through the motions in life and die having being just another society's puppet. I want to control my own destiny and never loose my individuality.

Tour

I've been watching the tour and I really couldn't have imagined myself been so into a sport. Actually I wouldn't call cycling a sport, it's a lifestyle (perhaps I'm jumping the gun a bit here haha). It was interesting to read about Wiggins father and their relationship. He talked about how his father left him and his mum and how he didn't have a father figure. It's so sad that his dad was in fact very proud of him but never told him that before he died. I'd prefer to be in his shoes than to be where I am at, where I have to pretend to love and respect my dad when in fact I absolutely loathe him for what he has done, for how he has been as a father and for his selfishness and arrogance. Which husband, father or person would make their pregnant wife and children do heavy labor, play psychological games with everyone including their family and believe that cheating is justified - yet so self blinded in their own greatness to think that they are the best father out there. Life would have been and would be so much better if he had left. But why would he when he had so much free labor?! I wouldn't go home if not for my mum and siblings there, seeing him and been near him makes me sick. One day I'll stop sending him fake father's day and birthday cards and presents. I'm happy for and indeed envious of people who have loving parents and who have a childhood filled with memorable experiences. I can't change my own family or my childhood, but I'll make sure that my children would have what I wanted so much but never had. Ok, enough ranting for one day!

Bike Fit, RB, Saddle & Ball

I finally got my bike fitted. The fit guy measured my flexibility, raised the saddle, adjusted the cleats, added some insole into my shoes, lowered the handle bar, increased the length of the handle bar stem (between each change, there was plenty of watching me ride and measuring leg angles). And we spent a lot of time looking for saddles. It was somewhat embarrassing explaining to him why the saddles were uncomfortable but none of them helped at all except for perhaps a ridiculous looking cut out one (Selle SMP Glider) - I may have to get that. We spent nearly 3 hours although normally it takes 1.5 hours. It would have gotten quite boring but he was interesting to talk to and I learnt a lot about cycling from him (and he's cute too). If I have his job fitting people on bikes I'd be bored out of my wits. I hope it's worth it, I'm now in a more aggressive position so I should be faster. But equally important, I hope it will resolve the knee issue.

Since I was all dressed for cycling, I went to do some laps at RB. I think doing laps around RB is quite deceiving, I pass almost everyone and it gives an artificial inflation of my own abilities. For example, last Sunday I was at RB doing laps (cos my knee was hurting) and I was passing everyone. In front of me, there was a guy who was also passing everyone, but he was slower than me so I overtook him. Then I felt that there was someone constantly behind me. It was super frustrating, idk if he wanted to overtake me or just draft behind. Anyway, after one lap, he came up and thanked me for the pull and said that I am a good rider. Haha that was the first time I helped someone and I was super proud of myself. So there I was doing laps around RB again. It was a Tuesday afternoon and I was interested to see how fast the pack was at the bowl. They were fast. I was doing 17 mph on the 'climbing' side and as they passed me, my speed went up miraculously to 20 mph without any extra effort. I did 2.5 laps for every 3.5 laps they do. This means that if I was constantly in their slipstream, I'd be able to keep up - which isn't bad at all. Yet they were highly arrogant and act like they own the road - they yelled at cars and told other cyclists to stay to the right. Basically anything and everything that is in their immortal path gets a whipping.

I tested out the bike fit on a longer ride - the typical GMR-39 loop. I'm not sure if it made me more efficient because the night before, I was being very smart which resulted in me screwing up the gears. So during the ride I was constantly fidgeting with the gears. As well, my chest was still hurting from the day before. I was sitting in front of the computer when suddenly I felt my chest been constricted and pressure been put on it. Since I'm crazily health conscious, I got an EKG. The doctor said that I have a perfectly healthy heart and asked if I'm stressed. I told her that I've been constantly stressed since the beginning of this year and even if I'm stressed now, I really wouldn't know since I'm so used to it. Apparently stress adds up and it can lead to chest pain. Anyway the pain was totally gone by the end of the ride, in total I did 2h 32 min (4 min down from 4 weeks ago).

Now that I am in a more aggressive position, the saddle pain is worse :( Today I went to a bike shop that participates in the Selle SMP try out program. The owner of the shop is a funny yet arrogant German dude. He immediately criticized my bike fit and says he knows cos he's being doing this for 25 years. I think he does know a lot but there seems to be more talk than walk. I tried out the Glider and Pro saddles....idk, but it doesn't feel much different from my current saddle. During the try out, there was a lady who went to pick up her cruiser bike. She asked if I'm racing (typical), I said to her not now but I'll when I get better, she said that you look so cute on the bike, you will be on TV, you will be famous (typical LA talk), and be in Tour de France (lol I wish!). After spending 1 hour in the shop, I still have no clue what saddle to get...

I'm doing all I can to build a good foundation in cycling. I just used my stability ball for the first time and did some exercises to improve my core. Conclusion: I have no stability! The ball rolls away faster than I can catch it.

Cycling and Others

Today I rode to Charlton Flats. It's getting very hot now and the sun is burning me even with tonnes of spf 60+ sunscreen. Each time I get back from a ride, I get an extra tan line - which if planned and executed strategically, can be made into a gradual tan smear (instead of a horrible line). Still, I don't want to have uneven colors on me as well each time you get tanned, it's actually skin damage. So I got arm and leg coolers which look ridiculous but I have to wear them. Of course, I don't want to look THAT ridiculous so I wear arm coolers one day and leg coolers the next. Today I put on my leg coolers and had to explain to some ignorant cyclists that they are not leg warmers. There were many cyclists on the 2. I passed an old woman cyclist, then I felt that she had to keep me in her sight. And after several miles, the awkward moment when you are overtaken by a 50+ years old woman happened. As I looked at her wrinkled cottage cheese legs, I wondered where the power came from. After awhile, she couldn't keep it up, but I decided not to pass her since we are close to the rest stop. I then rode on to Red Box and from there to Charlton Flats. This was my first time riding to Charlton Flats. It had beautiful scenery especially in the beginning.

Random fact 1: I just realized that I am double-jointed. Apparently only 1% of the population is. I can rotate my shoulders and elbows a full 180 degrees and make my thumb touch my forearm (it feels very normal, but it does look quite odd because I've never seen others doing it). And people who are double-jointed are very unresponsive to anesthesia. No wonder! I woke up hallucinating during my wisdom teeth removal operation. And when I removed my big toe nail I needed 3 shots instead of the typical 1 shot of anesthesia. I wonder if there are any advantages to being double-jointed? hmmm

Random fact 2: When it comes to dating, I just realized that I have very high standards. Actually I don't think they are high standards, it's just that not many people meet that standard. Anyway, I met this guy who was fit, smart and quite good looking (and when he smiles he looked like Jude Law). And he was very very nice to me. So I decided to give him a chance and in the process give myself a chance. Not a good idea! I got so annoyed at him I nearly killed myself. He agrees with every single thing I say and I am always correct. If I love myself that much I can just look at the mirror all the time. I want someone who's not afraid to state his own opinion and who can challenge me, is that too much to ask?! Apparently so.

I can't wait to go home. I plan to cycle 5 times a week. I will be taking my little brother or sister on my 'recovery rides' :) And when I get home all exhausted and starving, I shall eat mum's awesome cooking. I will have so much fun surrounded by people that I love. I've already told mum about this, so she'd be doing what she likes best, cooking for the family aka me, and I will be doing what I like best, eating her delicious cooking :D

Damn! My left knee hurts so much from cycling. I may have to cut my ride short tomorrow :( I'm getting my bike professionally fitted.

Cycling Report 7/1 - 7/7

I shall write in chronological order.

Last Sunday I went up Mt Wilson. As I was going up Angeles Crest highway, I saw a bumper of a mustang hanging off the edge of the cliff. Before long, there were police blocking off the left lane and what looked look flame retardants on a long stretch of the blocked off lane. Then all was well and I continued up the climb. Actually, I can't remember much of that ride since it happened awhile ago (aka 6 days ago). But I can't forget this. While I was descending Mt Wilson, I saw what looked like a huge furry brown dog dashing across the road. Then I realized it was a baby bear! One moment it was crossing the road, the next it was by the foot of the cliff and the next it was climbing the cliff like no tomorrow. I'm surprised they are so fast and so good at climbing. It looked really scared. I was equally scared but also in awe. I was glad that I was descending, because where there is baby bear, there is bound to be a mother bear. If I had been ascending I'd be doing an astonishing 6mph and that would have been a easy chase for the mother bear. Ha, it's ironic cos I go to Yellowstone to see bears without any luck, and now I see a baby bear in my backyard. If I was 2 seconds later I'd have missed it, 2 seconds earlier there would have been a collision - hence it was perfect timing!

This Wednesday I did the backside of GMR with the club. I don't know why they always like to do the backside, I prefer the frontside cos you finish the climb early on. And I really can't feel the grade difference between front and backside. I think I don't have much endurance....after just a short climb, my whole body becomes tired and it just doesn't want to do anything anymore. I have to have strong determination to keep moving at a 'fast' rate. Anyway, I started the ride out with a lady but I soon 'dropped her like a hot potato'. There was also another girl whom I rode with 4 months ago, at that time we were pretty much the same speed. But now I am without a doubt miles ahead of her. However I still can't keep up with the guys - it kills me! Yet, when I was coming back, there was a bunch of guys whom I don't know, but who must have seen me cycling who stated to me 'you are strong.' Hmm I don't think so. If I was a leisure cyclist just doing it for fun, then I'd be fine with my strong performance. But since I want to be serious, I'm not happy at all at my mediocre performance.

Today I did GMR-39 loop with a ride to Mt Baldy village. In total 58 miles. It's one of the hardest rides I've done and it was pretty epic. I started out the usual having parked at the bottom of 39. Soon I reached GMR, the climb was pretty good. I didn't feel very tired and I rested at the top of GMR and used the makeshift restroom. A couple of guys came and they asked me where I'm headed. Once I told them that I'm going up to Baldy village, one of the guys wanted to go too, but didn't succeed in convincing his buddy. That may have actually been a good decision on their part. I happily rode away on GRR. I had about 3/4 bottle of water left and I thought it would be enough till Baldy. Not so! It was HOT. By mile 2, I was already feeling dehydrated and wanting more water but I know that I should be more frugal. By mile 5, I was out of water and not very happy. By mile 6, the cyclists in front of me turned around - I assume they were out of water and didn't want to climb anymore. A thought crept in my head for me to turn around too. It's a descent to the store on E-folk. But I wanted to complete what I started and there was 'only' 6 miles left. So I pedaled on. I was feeling quite sleepy and tried to stay focused. I wondered if I could follow some animals to their water hole. Then I thought about asking some cyclists for water, but I was pretty sure that they were in the same situation. I rode as fast as I could to the water stop at Baldy. The last part was great because it was a descent - but I used all the energy I had left to stay focused. And finally, I reached the water station. Drinking water felt so good. There was a cyclist there who started talking to me, I opened my mouth and realized that I couldn't speak properly anymore from the dehydration. Anyway, he also had the water problem and he and his friends filled up their water bottles at the store on E-folk. That is only 18 miles away! I rode 28 miles on 1l of water....soon his friends came and they were highly dehydrated, they were the guys whom I had passed earlier and thought about asking for water. I'm glad I didn't. One of them said to me 'you passed me so fast like I was standing still' - haha, but they were standing still, they were resting in the shade! I rested about 20min by my water savior. Another cyclist came who wished me a safe ride home - which I really needed because as soon as I got back on the bike, I felt like I wanted to fall asleep again. The fact that it was such a hot day didn't help the slightest. Then as I was descending on E-folk and on 39, wind started to pick up. It was mostly sideways or head on - never tailwind. And it was so strong to the point where I thought it was going to pick me and my bike up along with it. I think my bike at 10.3 kg helped me to stay grounded. In total it took me 4h 44min excluding 30min rest. I think I have burnt 2700 calories from cycling. I consumed 2 cliff bars, a waffle and a powerbar - total 870 calories on top of what I normally eat in one day. It looks like I'm having a negative calorie day. I have to eat more otherwise all this effort would go to waste!!

Confused

I am very confused and sad. I don't know if I want to move to Germany anymore. Like I mentioned in my previous post, the main reason why I want to live in Germany is because people there are more straightforward. Yet, there are at least 2 small towns in the US that offers the same thing (and people are also genuinely nice).

The other reason why I want to live in Germany is because it's surrounded by other countries, and travelling is so easy - I love to experience and learn about different cultures, their beliefs and practices. Yet, having being to around 6 states in the US, they are pretty different too. So here are some things about Germany that I really don't like. Germans are known to be more racist and less accepting of different ideas and values. For instance, when I was relating to the old German guy from DASF that a friend of mine who is applying there was asked for his high school transcript. The German guy said, when you apply just give it to them, and have them translated. I asked, translate into German? He said into English. This assumption is very rude. And them being less accepting of change or new things is reflected by having rules that must be followed or things that must be done a certain way. I love my freedom and the ability to do whatever I want. Driving around especially in the middle of nowhere helps me to feel free. Yet with 80 millions people living in Germany in an area half the size of Texas, this can't be easily done. The thought of living in this cramped country is suffocating. I've also learnt recently that Germans smoke A LOT - I hate smoking and dislike people who smoke because 1. I get headaches from cigarette smokes and 2. I think people who smoke are inconsiderate in that they are making others around them smoke passively. As well, I have to learn German - which I have to confess that I totally suck at.

Ok, so it may seem that I'm saying all the bad things about Germany, but the fact is that I was very optimistic and tried to think of only the good things. And I thought that I have made my decision about going to Germany so why think negatively?! However after finding out that I had generalized way too much about American people, I'm seriously having second opinions. I'm still going to go to the Berlin conference in a couple of months, I'll see how I like it there first hand. This is also meant to be my job finding opportunity. But if I don't like it there, I'll just look for jobs here. Which opens a whole can of worms in itself, cos I really don't know where I want to live in the US......so bloody confused.