Home and Job

I have been home for a little over a week now. It's good to be with family and to have plenty, and I mean plenty of time to do cycling. Whether I get enough in is another matter, because it is SUPER hot here. In fact, I normally leave home by 6.30 to 7 am to beat the heat and by 9 am, the heat is often too much to handle. Cycling is huge here. I am amazed at the number of cyclists and the amount of pro looking people here (by this I mean their cycling specific muscles). I joined a club that offers rides everyday of the week. However, to reach there I have to cycle 10 miles on the bike path with tons of obscure signs and turns. I went to scout out how to get there with my little brother, who has grown so much this past year that he is already taller than me (and has lost a lot of weight). Thus I thought that he would be faster than last year, not so. We left home at 8 am and I calculated conservatively that we would be home by 10 am, at a pace of 10 mph. However, we were home at 11.30 by which time both parents have gone out looking for us. My brother later went on to have breathing problems (from exhaustion) and didn't want to go cycling again, not that he particularly wanted to do so in the first place. In fact, all my siblings (maybe not my littlest brother) avoid anything to do with exercise. My mum thinks that my cycling is ridiculous and my dad's idea of fun is relaxing in front of the TV. So strange that my family is so different from me. Back on track, many of the cyclists in the club are very fast. I will give an update later on cycling in Perth as I have ridden more myself and more with the club.

I wanted to talk a bit about my future job and the search for it. Initially I wanted to go to Germany, because people are more straightforward there and because I wanted to do cycling in Europe. However, after I learnt that the pay check is on average 50 % that of in the US, I decided not to go. After this, there was a period where I was confused about where to live. Then it popped in my head that I could go to Denver, CO because of the great cycling there. Yet, that ended at the same time as I found out just how dry it is over there. Not keen on having dry skin and bloody nose and premature aging. Then for a couple of days I had a strong inclination of becoming a lecturer in Perth because you can earn 100 k a year and work schedule is of course light, such that I would have lots of time to pursue cycling. However, life would be boring without any intellectual challenges and I don't particularly want to live in Australia. Later I settled on SF. The weather, the people and the cycling culture all seem to be a great fit for me. There was one job that I really wanted. Yet, the job spec says that they are looking for a person with 5-10 years of industry experience. I still applied and surprisingly I got an email asking for scheduling a phone interview. The phone interview went well. I liked how the company gives its researchers plenty of freedom, and they liked me too. So off I went for an onsite interview. I can wholeheartedly say that I enjoyed the interview. I wasn't nervous and was eager to learn more about the company, its research and its people. Everything I learnt I liked. I waited for the job offer - this did not come easy. This is because I am a foreign national and of course there are others competing for the position. Thankfully, I got the job. I think I have been very lucky in my job search. I know of two ChE PhDs (both US citizens) in bio research whom were jobless for 9 months. I have to say that the pay is pretty good too :) Now I have a bigger budget in buying my new bike.

When everything was falling into place towards December (finishing my thesis, finishing my papers, and landing the job), I felt that a higher power, perhaps God may not let me to stay happy for long and take everything away from me. This is strange, because when my research didn't work, when I broke my back, and when I wasn't happy I never thought that I was unfortunate or that they were anyone else's problems but my own.

An Era Has Thus Ended

Yay!! I finished my thesis and defended last Friday. I think my talk went pretty well. When I arrived 5 min before my talk, my advisor and labmates were already there. Knowing how last minute I am, he has already set up the projector for me. But what he doesn't know was that I am always prepared. I have tested the projector and practiced the talk. I was not a bit nervous, it was after all, my fourth talk. My talk lasted 29.5 min, perhaps the shortest thesis defense ever. After some questions from the general public, I was in the room with my advisor and other thesis committee members. They asked a few questions. There was one question where they wanted to know the actual number, for which I did not have. But I didn't want to have to do that experiment, so I provided a guesstimate, to which they laughed knowing what I was trying to avoid. Thankfully, no extra experiments were needed. But I quote from my thesis section 'future directions and recommendations' '...as with all scientific endeavors, the more we learn about a system, the more question arises....'(as you can see, I got pretty bored from all the writing). Anyway, no changes were required to be done to my thesis either (even though I took 1 week to write it)! I have sent my thesis for proofreading and later to get it bound. Also submitted two papers - finally.

Last Saturday, I went for the much anticipated final Montrose ride. I was to finish riding with the medium paced group without getting dropped. The night before, I didn't sleep well because my little sister snored more than usual. In the morning, I didn't hear my alarm through the ear buds. Thankfully, I got up. Mum said she heard the alarm but since it was nothing important (it's only cycling), she didn't wake me......I hurried and thought that I would be able to make it. I arrived at my usual waiting spot at 8.17 (they passed at 8.20 the last couple of times). But when 8.25 came and went, I had the dreadful suspicion that I probably missed the ride. I rode with another cyclist further up Huntington. After a bit, I saw 2 cyclists waiting by the side and asked if they were waiting for the medium paced group. They were waiting for the fast paced group, the medium one passed 10 min ago :(. I was so disappointed for not having a chance to finish that ride. I talked to these guys a bit, and they said that the fast paced ride is much faster and are generally more experienced cyclists, Cat 3 or above.... I thought oh well, let's see how long I can keep up with the fast group for. A few guys who broke away from the group rode by and we joined them. Soon the group caught up, actually, it engulfed us. There were so many people! The pace was indeed fast. But the ride was smooth and I was pretty confident. At one point, I nearly got dropped but stayed on. Then came the Encanto Park area where I got dropped last time from the medium paced ride. I made a mental note to NOT get dropped there again. However, I just could not keep up. After I got dropped I realized just how fast they were going. Within a few minutes, they were out of sight. Luckily I remembered the route. Soon I caught up with another guy who got dropped. He was quite upset and complained about how the group was faster than usual. I was pretty happy with my accomplishment. I look forward to coming back one day to finish the ride and to perhaps lead it :)

This week has been more tiring than when I was writing up my thesis. I had to finish everything up in the lab, teach and pass on things to others, pack up and sign off, clean up my apartment, sell furniture, send things to the airport (since my car is not big enough)....yet my car was still stuffed full. We drove over from LA to SF this morning, and left everything at a public storage. My mum and sister helped me so much with tidying up the apartment and packing up everything. I am already sad having to come back with my lonesome to unpack things from the storage.

Cycling Update 12/2/12

This morning I went for the Montrose ride, same route as last week with the goal of completing the ride with the group and not getting dropped. It has been raining the past few days, so I wore my new Rapha wind jacket. It's super light and is supposed to be waterproof for around 45 min. Thankfully it didn't rain. However, after riding for a few minutes, I realized that the jacket may keep water out, but it also traps water in. All the sweat had no where to go. So yep, I was steaming after about 30 min into the ride. So I opened the zip and was riding with the jacket flapping away - like a pro. Except pros only open their vest or jacket during climbs, because there is too much resistance otherwise. I spotted another girl cycling, she was very random and dangerous, which probably lead to someone complimenting me for riding in a straight line. One would think that it's common sense. I have to say that I wasn't feeling as good as last week, maybe because I haven't been working out the past week. In total just 40 min on rollers and a weight lifting session....so sad. Anyway, at around Encanto park section, the guys sped off like last time. Last time, I was able to keep up, but this time, I was exhausted and a gap opened. I rode about 30 m behind the group for 2 miles. It was a great workout but a lost cause. The wind resistance created by my jacket flapping around didn't help either. I should have put in a bit more effort in closing the gap when it first opened.

As time passed, the gap widened, and I had a hard time keeping track where the group was. All would have been fine if I know the route, but I don't remember directions unless I have to and there are many turns in this ride so yep. At one point, there was a car behind me and I wanted to keep to the right as much as possible since I was by myself, but I was going fast and before I know it, I rode into the uneven section (again). This time it was worse, my bike tilted by maybe 20 degrees with screeching metal on concrete sound, thankfully I saved myself. Idk why I always do this, I need to be careful. Then as I was speeding away, I checked to see if the group turned right at an intersection, and sure enough they did, so I did my sad crazy ass wide turn and doubled back. By which time, I couldn't see any cyclists anymore. After a bit, I caught up with this guy perhaps 100 m in front of me and I followed him. Then came an intersection, if memory serves me right I should turn right, but he went straight head, so I followed...wrong choice. I doubled back again. Then I rode on Foothill for what seemed like forever, I knew I had to turn right just not sure where. Then behold, I saw a vague outline of a cyclist in front of me, and saw that he turned right ahead, so I followed. It was indeed the correct route. I was so happy that I saw him. At least I will finish the ride, all is not lost! He was very easy to talk to and must have been around 60 yo. He used to be a pro cyclist and raced with Greg Lemond!

At the stop, we rode over to my coach and he asked me about a few things. Then the triathlon coach I met last week came over (he must have waited a long time) and we rode back together. I told him how I got dropped etc, he said it was his fault and apologized cos he was leading. Lol it's obviously not his fault that I couldn't keep up. I have one more chance left to see if I could finish a ride with this group.

Which leads me onto other things. I handed in my thesis yesterday, took a total of 1 week to write everything up. So efficient. There is nothing like a deadline to make me work. I'm pretty sure that if I had 1 month to write the thesis, the quality would have been the same. If say I had finished my thesis a day in advance, I would have felt that I needed better time management because the less time I have, the more efficient I am. So happy to be finishing up soon! Counting down the days.

Cycling Update 11/24/12

Now that the weather is getting cold and rainy, I borrowed some rollers from my coach. He believes that I couldn't learn it myself so he made sure that the other guy would help me. I really don't like to get help unless I have to. And I don't want him to touch me. The more I think about this, the more angry I become. How could he be so selfish? For one thing, he is old enough to be my father! Anyways, I practiced on the rollers. At first I just could NOT let go of holding onto something to keep me from falling. But I heard that it helps to look straight ahead (instead of at your front wheel!). So I looked straight ahead, counted to 3, too chicken to let go, then to 10, I let go....and behold, I am on the bars and cycling away! I did it for 5 min then I got bored and stopped. Needless to say that I am very happy with myself. I told my coach about it, he just said that I should be able to ride comfortably for 20 min...

Yesterday, I went to take a recovery test at the gym with another student from my coach. That kid could push 700 lbs on the leg press!! Well, he is a Cat 1/Pro cyclist. Anyway, I told my coach that I cycled on the rollers for 25 min (yep, 5 min more). Then my coach asked the kid how long it took for him to learn, he answered a long time. So you can see why I am very proud, more so because I proved my coach wrong in expecting less of me. The recovery test involved measuring the resting blood pressure, then doing 20 squats and measuring the blood pressure again to see how long it takes to recover to baseline. I took 2 min and 10 sec. Not sure if this is bad, but the kid took 45 sec to recover. One thing to note here is that 20 squats for him is probably nothing, maybe 100 squats would be the equivalent to my 20. So this test is not just a recovery test, but a combination of recovery and strength test.

This morning I did the Montrose ride. I didn't want to drive to TJ because that meant I have to ride in lots of traffic when I return. So I left from my apartment and stopped at the intersection of Sierra Madre and Huntington. I conservatively calculated that it would take me 20 min to get there. Instead it took 10 min. I was there at 8 am and the ride starts at 8. So I waited and waited. During the wait, more people came by. It looks like that spot is a popular joining section. Looking at their bikes and looking at mine, I could see a major difference, they all have these thick rimed wheels. I'm sure their bikes are thousands of dollars to match these wheels. The guys all seem to think that I am a very mediocre cyclist (without looking down). So I randomly told them about my rollers story (since I was still bathed in its glory). One guy was amazed and made sure that I was talking about rollers instead of trainers.....At 8.20, the group finally appeared and we joined in. This ride was so fun! I felt like I was playing a computer game maneuvering inside the pack. And I was hardly tired. There was one time where someone was verging to the right and I had to squeeze through the gutters, nearly crashed due to the uneven ground there. Don't ride too close to the gutters - lesson learnt. A dude said he thought they nearly lost me there and how I got out of it like a champ. Then came a part where there was some climbing, this was where I and many others lost the group :( Yet at least 5 guys told me how good I am etc etc. I think people should seriously stop saying good things about my cycling, because whether I want it to or not, it does go to my head :P At the stop, I chatted with this nice triathlon coach and we rode back together. A very fun ride, I loved it!

Breaking Benjamin - Forget it

so awesome

Training Update

I have gone to weight lifting 6 times now. After 2 times I could already see increased muscle definition on my quads! The first time I went weight lifting, I had no clue what all the equipments were. My coach showed me what to do, how to do it and how many repetitions. We first did legs, then arms, then abdominal and back. The next day my whole body was so sore! I practically fell off my bed when I tried to get up in the morning because my abs were rigid lol. Surprisingly the second time I went weight lifting, the day after I was fine. Apparently this is because my body adapts fast :)

Before I've been so stupid and thought that the best training is where I go all out and where I climb mountains. My heart rate likely averaged over 160 bpm all the time. The truth is that you need to have a strong base. I of course have no such thing. So it was odd that my body still burnt fat as the main source of energy! Now I'm supposed to train within the aerobic zone, with heart rate under 140 bpm. As well, I can't go climbing because that would defeat the purpose of muscle building. However, we went climbing up to Newcomb's ranch on the weekend. My friend seemed to know everyone even in the mountains. The others all assumed that I must be very good to ride with him. Ha! Not so! Even if I was going at 4 mph, he would have cycled alongside me. We finally reached the destination, had some food and went for the much anticipated descent. Previously when I descend, I would be on the bars, in aero position and not pedal. But this time, I was in the drops and pedaled hard, chased a car and we averaged 38 mph! It was so exhilarating and so cool!! I can't wait to do that again.

Whenever I tell people that a really good cyclist is riding with me, the first thing they ask is why is he so nice, he must want something from you. I wish I could prove them wrong....He is very nice, considerate and I feel like I could be myself around him. But I don't like him that way. I have to put a stop to this because the path he is headed would only lead to disappointment. And I can't help but feel that my cycling with him is taking advantage of him. I'm more than willing to give up cycling with him to avoid any hurt feelings. I tried to talk to him about it a couple of times, but he was always so nice and I just couldn't bring myself to say anything to hurt him. Instead I acted bad and distanced myself, and hoped that that would make him stop liking me. Ahhh I'm so lame. If he was anywhere close to an a-hole, I would have had no qualms. Sigh :(

Awolnation - Sail

Cycling Potential Tests

So many things have happened recently. I will be brief as I don't have much time on my hands.

I have always wanted to test and see if I have the potential to become a good cyclist. So my friend introduced me to his coach to take some tests. I was to take the VO2max test. I was super stressed and thought I must get a good value since my cycling career is on the line! I didn't sleep well etc for several days before the test and aimed for 50 ml/min/kg (the value on the verge of a Cat 2 and a domestic pro female).

The test day finally came. We first measured my legs strengths. That was hard. I asked whether I have to give it 100 % because I need to conserve energy to get a good VO2max! Then came the VO2max test, I have to stuff this huge tube to breath through inside my mouth which looked dodgy and felt uncomfortable. Then I started pedaling, my coach was calling out for me to increase my cadence as the resistance increased. I could see that my VO2max was soon over 40 ml/min/kg! After awhile, my mouth started to feel horribly dry but otherwise I was fine. Suddenly, my legs gave out and I just couldn't push anymore, my cadence dropped from 80 to 40 in a matter of seconds. So the test was stopped and I got 54 ml/min/kg!!! That of a domestic pro! My coach was visibly excited. The value would have been higher if I have stronger legs. On Sunday we met with the coach and he showed me the results. Along with the high VO2max score, he told me how uncommon it is to have legs of equal strengths (in this case, weaknesses), and how I use predominately fat as energy source. He said I should write a letter to my parents to thank them for my genes haha! I need to work on my legs strengths. As well, my lung capacity is low, this can be improved by swimming (which I refuse to do) or by breathing exercises. I now have my own training program and have a diet program. hahaha like a real athlete. Today I went to do weight lifting and tomorrow is some easy rides. I was told the first time in my adult life that I am overweight! So I have to lose weight, which is fine because I have already lost 3 lbs over the past 3 weeks or so (currently at 127 lbs).

All I wanted was to get the tests taken. But now I have a coach! He is very respected and advises the tour de france teams on who to choose as their GC! Yesterday I got my bike fitted by the coach, he measured my legs lengths and pointed out how rare it is to have equal lengthed legs. Well, it seems that I have all the requirements and more to become a good cyclist. All I need to do is train hard and be persistent. Even my mum finally agreed that I could 'do some cycling in my spare times'.

During all of this, my friend is always by my side. I'm really glad that I met him. He is a very good and experienced cyclist without being arrogant and is direct and seems to have integrity. I like him as a person which means a lot, because in my life, I can't say that I have met even a handful of people whom I liked for their personalities.

Cycling Report

Let me continue on from last Tuesday night. I was super stoked about riding with the Cat 1 guy. Yet after having a more clear mind, I have to say that it's obvious why he wants to ride with me. Normally I would just run away or disappear (I know, such awesome ways to deal with it). But this is cycling, and I'm willing to do almost anything for it. However, I was warned about him and there is a general consensus on this. So I'm going to stay away from him.

On Thursday, while cycling at RB, a very good cyclist whom I have met on Tuesday came and we rode together. He tried to get me to ride with the pack. But I'm just too cautious about riding close with the others and so I got dropped very fast. I had my first millisecond cramp when I tried to accelerate fast lol. We then went to have dinner with some other cyclists. I think they were all couples, I can't say that I have learnt anything about them because they were all grumpy and terse. I tried to make some conversations but all I got were one word answers. They were very unwelcoming and I can't help but feel that they were looking down at me for being a bad cyclist. Well, time will tell that I will be faster and better than them. But I'll always be welcoming and I'll always help out new cyclists. So this arrogant cyclist tradition can change little by little.

Yesterday I rode the long Montrose ride with my new friend. This was supposed to be the slow ride, yet the pace was fast and erratic compared to normal. At the start of the ride, I spent probably half of my energy focusing and stressing out about having to ride so close to the others. So I had a hard time keeping up. There was a point where someone gave me a push, so embarrassing. During the whole ride, it was drizzling nonstop and the road was super slippery. I would never have ridden by myself in this weather. Thankfully my friend was always there to help me, telling me what to do and waiting for me. I would seriously not have finished the ride or even attempted it if not for him! He knows a guy who does VO2max tests, apparently this person is so skilled that the Tour de France cyclists get advice from him! I'm going to take this test myself next week. Can't wait, I hope the results would be encouraging and show some potential :)

This morning, I rode up the 2. The road was wet and slippery. As I was going up further, fog started to appear. I wasn't feeling very comfortable because I didn't have lights on. I thought it might get better, however, the fog became so dense such that I couldn't see 10 feet in front of me. And it started to rain. I really really wanted to finish the ride but didn't want to risk getting run over, so I turned back 3/4 of the way up. As I was descending, I constantly looked back to see if there was a car behind me. This was a disconcerting ride, yet the spectacular view and the fresh air made up for it.

I have done 115 miles this week. I lost 1 lb this week (currently at 128 lb). I can see the muscle definitions more clearly now. So I believe I have lost some fat....now so hungry I'm feeling sleepy but don't feel like eating but I know I have to - do you know this feeling?

So Stoked!!

Today I was riding at RB as always on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This is because I want to ride 'with' the pack so that they can provide encouragement for me to go faster, but most often times, they are just too fast it gets rather sad. As I was getting my bike ready, a very fit guy rode up to me (his muscles are scary) and we cycled together. He is Cat 1 and has been racing since he was 13. He raced pro in Germany and France etc in the nineties. After chatting a bit, he wanted to ride with me and coach me in cycling! Base training, interval training, riding in group techniques etc etc. OMG, I have always wanted to ride with guys who are in Cat 3 or 2, but never dreamt of riding with a Cat 1 cyclist! Later some of his friends from the pack came and apparently they have all seen me cycling (embarrassingly slow) and said that I am a smooth and strong rider. This guy is really nice and seems patient, because I will clearly be super slow compared to him and my bike handling skills are still almost nonexistent. He also knows a lot of people and I shall be introduced into the pro cycling 'club'. Just imagine the tonnes of invaluable things I will learn and the opportunities! I am so stoked!!

The Fray - Without Reason

This is so awesome, exactly how I feel

Monterey Bay

Last weekend I went up to Monterey Bay. An old friend from school has been asking me to go up there for a film festival. At first, I thought it's too far a drive, but after my Germany trip, I realized that I need to take little trips to refresh and regroup. As well, apparently cycling is good in Monterey. So I decided to go up there for the weekend.

On Friday I started driving at around 8.30 am. It would be a 6 hours drive but I'd make it in 5. I think I'm getting bored of driving. I get really sleepy when I drive and have to stop every few hours. As I was nearing Monterey, the temperature outside was still in the 30s, but all of a sudden it went down to the teens. Such a fast transition! The air was very fresh too. I drove into town at around 1.30 pm and went to see some films at the festival. The films were quite interesting. I liked the one where they were following some sharks migration and breeding. The female shark has 2 uteri and each contain many fertilized eggs, yet only 2 babies come out. This is because there is cannibalism going on inside the womb where the bigger baby sharks eat the smaller ones to survive. Still after awhile I fell asleep during the film.

The next morning I got up early to do some cycling on 17 mile drive. The day before I found out that it cost $10 to drive through it but biking is free. So of course I parked my car outside and cycled in. I guess I didn't have to get up so early because it was foggy and so cold! But there were lots of cyclists there already and the view was great too. The smell not so much. The ride was rather short so I did two rounds. Still it really wasn't much of a workout, my heart rate barely increased.

For lunch I met up with my old friend. I found out pretty soon that he is full of shit. I don't know if he has changed or I can see clearly now, I think it may be a combination of both. For instance, he is a shark hugger and complains and calls the government ignorant for wanting to kill sharks that have attacked and killed 5 surfers in WA in the past year. I asked him what does he think of a tuna or a sardine? He says that sardines are fine to eat, but tunas feed on many other fish to grow big so it's unsustainable to eat them. There are many things that I disagree with here. First, what makes a shark any different from a tuna or a sardine? They can not choose what they are born as. And I have never understood why some people think they can play god by deciding which species is worth protecting while others are to be eaten. Second, if a person truly wants to be sustainable and not just trying to sound sophisticated and environmental, he'd become a vegetarian or better yet, choose not to exist. As well, even I know that sharks have low metabolism while tunas have high metabolism, so in actual fact it's more sustainable to eat sharks. Third, the government choosing to kill these sharks is a very logical move to protect the community. What else could they do? They cannot put up nets to protect the surfers and swimmers because that would cause even more protest from animal lovers and indeed kill non offending animals. To call the government ignorant for doing their job is very ignorant in itself. This would all be fine if not for the fact that he thinks that he is humble, worldly, well-conversed and sophisticated. He proudly tells me that he talks to bums. He himself doesn't have a job and is floating around, basically not far removed from becoming a bum. And to be proud to talk to bums, seriously?! That says a lot about ones maturity and arrogance. So I conclude that he is full of shit.

I was happy to have been done with him and go off to see the aquarium. Parking was horrible. There were lots which charge flat rates of $20! So I looked for a spot on the street. It only cost $1.50 per hour and the meter still had 4 hours left! Ha free parking. The aquarium was amazing. I loved the jelly fish. There were so many kinds and they looked so delicate. While looking at them, I got quite hungry. I also liked the touch pool. But there were only star fish, sea slugs and kelps. I wanted to touch more things. I guess these are the hardy ones and can stand all the touching. Oh yes, I also loved the eels (they were almost like static corals but then you see the eyes and teeth) and sea horses (I saw a movie of a male sea horse giving birth lol). As well as the gigantic aquarium housing sea turtles, tunas and sharks and another huge aquarium containing many different fish swimming in an enormous kelp forest.

The following morning, I was to cycle the Cachagua loop. It was supposedly intermediate level and 30 miles. I was all dressed and ready to go. Once I got there though, I discovered that the road was super narrow and had no center divide. It looked hard to fit 2 cars let alone cyclists. I kept driving hoping to find the road widening. But it never did. As well, there were sections of the road that my car had trouble going up, it reminded me of going up to Baldy ski lifts ahhhh. Later it got a bit flatter and I thought about parking at a lookout point, but there were hardly anyone up there. And I was afraid that by the time I get back my car may already be gone. So I'm sad to say that I didn't do any cycling.

In conclusion, a great little trip. I should do more of these, maybe once every couple of weeks.

Cycling is Back!

I got back from Germany Friday night. When I first got in, I felt like I couldn't breath the air. It was so heavy and I was so stuffed. It was that bad. The plane ride sucked as always. And after the horrible flight, I had to wait to go through border security. These people are always rude and profoundly bored of their jobs. It's interesting that they are the first Americans that foreigners get to see - talk about a first impression!

On Saturday, I thought I had better get back in the action of things since I haven't been doing much exercise over the past 2 weeks. So even though I was having a bad cold (which I attribute to not exercising), I went to do a few laps around RB. The following day I went to do my typical GMR-39 loop. I have been lucky because a fire started and died while I was away. The road was however still closed, so I had to along with my bike hop over 3 gates. When I was nearing the rest stop at top of GMR, I could hear air hissing out of my front tire. I stopped to investigate but couldn't see or feel any difference so I decided to keep going until I reach the top to change the tube. A cyclist then rode up and started talking to me. After 2 min, I told him that I have a flat and he helped me to change it. I know the general idea of changing tubes but not about how to prevent pinches etc. It was nice that he was there to help make sure that I put in the tube properly. I then continued onto backside of GMR and 39. It was a hot day, my cold was still there and crap was coming out of my nose. I needed a lot of water so I stopped at the station to get water. After one drink, I wanted to spit the water out, it was horrible and it tasted toxic. I think it must have the ashes from the fire. I was so thirsty and tired but couldn't drink the water in my bottle. Not a good situation to be in.

Yesterday I went up the 2. I was going pretty well and feeling good, when all of a sudden I heard a loud bang and pshhhh as my back tire blew out. So I got off the bike and headed for a nice shaded area to change the tube. I was a little bit excited cos this would be my first time changing tubes by myself while out cycling. I want to get this first over with cos it's bound to happen at some point. As I was investigating my tire for any sharps etc, a cyclist descending from the opposite side asked if I was ok, I told him, yes I'm ok. But a moment later he was back and ready to help me change the tube. I guess I just looked that clueless. I am of course always grateful for people taking their time out to help me. So I listened and nodded while he was showing me how to change the tube even though I already knew how to do it. When he was leaving he told me that he just saw a coyote and that I should carry a pepper spray, I told him I saw it too and I was calling for it to come to me.....sounds so stupid haha. I then went up to the station and decided to call it a day. While there I bumped into someone from the club, he is a very good triathlete and he is humble about it too, in fact, both him and his gf are like that. I hope I won't be full of myself when I get good lol.

Today I went up to do GMR-GRR. I carried an extra bottle in my back pocket to avoid dehydration. I was nearing the station when someone I drove past on Sierra Madre came by me and we chatted for a bit. I then met another cyclist, a 55 yo guy who has been cycling and racing for many years. We rode together on GRR and back. He asked if I'm married and have children....haha getting married is one thing, having kids is another! I wouldn't be surprised if I get married this year, but having kids is not going to happen for awhile yet. He then promptly told me that there are many single cycling guys lol. Single cyclist dudes, please come and introduce yourselves. Here are my criteria, not much, just four - fit, honest, humble and can laugh at yourself.....the first is very easy to achieve, the rest not so much. Of course there needs to be attraction, in general after one conversation, I'd know if it's going to happen or not. Being wealthy and smart are overrated, they are nice but certainly not necessary. Anyways back on track, we cycled on. We started talking about politics, or shall I say, he was talking about politics. I don't know enough to voice an opinion. He is conservative in terms of economics, abortion and immigration but liberal in that he doesn't impose his views on others. haha I don't know if not imposing ones views on others can be classified as conservative or liberal. We soon reached Mt Baldy village and I took off my helmet and sunglasses to rest. Upon seeing me he told me that I should be a Fox news anchor cos they employee very beautiful women lol.....We then headed back. I don't like descending GMR, there are so many switch backs and it's quite technical. Looking at my speedometer, the max speed was 37.4 mph. He descended much faster than I did but maintained that I am a good descender...(here comes the important part)....for a woman...(so sad).....he says most women he ride with get very tense and he has to wait for them for a long time. He then said that my cycling is advanced, to which I told him that my cycling skills are certainly beginner. In fact, I fell (again) while trying to start cycling on an incline. I want to practice my bike handling skills. I envision wrapping my elbows and knees with bubble wrap and seeing how long I can balance on a bike for, practice starting the bike on steep inclines and turning around tight corners.

Last Days in Germany

I shall pick up from where I left off last time. I was in Munich for 2 days. I've been moving around so much I hardly remember what happened a few days ago! Anyways, in short, there were so many things to do in Munich and 2 days was definitely not enough. I then drove to Schloss Neuschwanstein and then to Freiburg. The south of Germany was amazing, with mountains and lots of trees and very clean air. The water from the tap was straight from the Alps, it had no taste which was great. While I was driving around Schwarzwald it suddenly started to rain. It was like torrential downpour that started all of a sudden and stopped all of a sudden. Very refreshing. I want to live there!! But then I understood why there are so many cycling accidents there even though they have many cycling paths. This is because the roads are most times very narrow and there is no speed limit.

I then went onto Frankfurt to visit the company that was located with many other companies in an enclosed complex. I was a full 20 min in advance and thought all I had to do was get on a shuttle into the building. But I had to go through security where I had to take a quiz on safety questions. I discovered that you couldn’t answer the questions without watching their lengthy video. However, even after watching the video, I still got some wrong (I had no idea what they were asking, the English translations were pretty bad) and it said on the screen that you have used all your attempts, please see reception. So like an idiot I had to tell them that I didn't pass the useless test. I was given another chance and must pass it otherwise I can't go through. Imagine me not getting in because of some stupid test! So I focused while watching the anal video and passed it. I then waited and waited for the shuttle to get me inside the building. When I arrived, I was a full 15 min late. So so so bad! The guy I met with was very nice aber very geeky. I discovered that people work very long hours!! And apparently people in Europe always do a post-doc before getting pharma industry jobs! Well, I am NOT going to do any 'studying' anymore, it's high time that I get an actual job!!

Today I went to get my car scratches fixed. Before going further, I'd like to admit that in addition to the scratches I got while reversing in Dresden, I got another one while driving on the Autobahn. There are constantly road works in Germany on their Autobahns (no wonder the road is so nice) and they often narrow 3 lanes into 2 to do this. So the roads are very narrow. Yesterday while driving at night for 400 km from Frankfurt to Leipzig, there was something wrong with the headlights in my car, so I couldn't see clearly the boulders of the road on a section of road work. And behold I scratched the car on the ledge! So dead – the car has some sort of curse on it. I heard that some small scratches can set you back at hundreds of dollars, and with the scratches I have collected - I wouldn't be surprised if they ask me to pay a grand. So I decided to go to an auto shop to get them fixed. Or I could fix it myself by buying some paint. I had experience with this, but this time, the scratches were so huge and bad I highly doubt I could cover it up. In fact I would probably just make it worse. Anyways, I went to an auto shop and a really nice guy came out. He couldn't speak much English but lead me to another place that specialized in paint jobs. We dropped my car there for them to fix at a very modest price and he drove me to the Hauptbahnhof so I could catch a train to Leipzig. Believe it or not my German was actually slightly better than his English. So we talked in German and I had the longest German conversation ever! I was to meet him at his shop at 4.30 pm which leaves just 5 hours. Along with waiting for the train and time to get to and out of Leipzig, I really didn't have much time to spend in Leipzig so I went for the Amazonian forest experience. That was awesome! It felt so peaceful in there with seemingly real forest sounds. I saw huge images of insects etc that are absolutely fascinating but in real life would scare the shit out of me. I then went back by taxi. My gosh the taxi driver ist sehr dumm, he was so slow on the Autobahn and took 1 hour to get there instead of 30 min (time I'd have taken) whilst cussing at traffic all the time. I finally got to that dudes shop at 5 pm. And I had to pay 70 EU for the taxi drivers stupidity. I told him that I’m not going to pay this much because it was his fault. He said no. This went back and forth for a bit to no avail. He then threatened to call the police. Threatening does not work on me! I’d gladly play this game except I was already super late. And it kills me to be this late especially with Germans so I gave in. When I got to the shop, his car was gone and shop was closed. Apparently he was out looking for me...I felt so bad! But when he saw me he wasn't the least upset. He wanted to know where I'm staying at and kept asking when I'm flying out etc. I have to admit that it's obvious he's helping me out and being extra nice because he likes me. He couldn’t stop looking at me and smiling even while driving. Normally this sort of behavior is creepy but this time it's rather flattering because he is really nice and I have to say hot! It's odd, I have never found guys who are smart to be hot. I guess smart guys are generally either arrogant, unfit, geeky and or weird. It just feels nice to be around a real man, who is strong and who acts like a man (the latter is much harder to achieve). My car is now perfect - you can't see ANY damages whatsoever! I won't have to worry about returning the car tomorrow but I need to be careful with the driving!

I will be leaving Germany tomorrow. Two weeks seem to have gone by so fast yet I have done so many things! Conclusions from the trip, Germans are not cold at all or particularly formal either. It's easy to start a conversation with them and going in deeper not just surface talk. People say 'danke schön' all the time and people who don't know each other say 'tschüs' even though it's the informal way. The guy that I talked to who told me that Germans don't accept foreigners most definitely just comes from his own experience. Being the typical US person Germans would pick it up straightaway. If you want people to open up to you, you have to open up to them first. I find it very nice that I could talk to Germans about things that are considered out of line in the US because it's too personal etc. Instead Germans like that and you definitely feel closer because I for one, really don't like making surface talks because I think it's just so superficial. I love to find personal similarities and interesting differences. Yet I don't think I'd be getting a job in Germany next year, perhaps in the future. So I am going to continue learning German and not give it up half way. The first part of learning a language is always hard, but once you understand most of the conversation, it becomes a lot easier :)

Berlin Conference and Beyond

The conference has finished so I'm now free to do some travelling. In the following I'll recount what has happened during the past week.

On Monday there were some interesting talks (antibody drug conjugates) so I went to see what's going on in this field. However I had a hard time catching myself from falling asleep. It was strange because I was taking notes while dozing off. I then went to have lunch and met this girl from Venezuela. She paid for everything herself, the conference registration, airfare and hotel just to come to the conference. This was really admirable and I wanted to be as interested as she was, but such things cannot be helped. She wanted to join me for everything including going around looking at the posters. It would have been fine if I was interested in looking at the posters. However, the posters were pretty much all of the same, elucidating new pathways, finding new targets, making new drugs etc but with no good way of delivering them and with no animal data. So I had no interest and while looking at the posters I may have accidentally ditched her and went off to do my own thing. I felt a bit bad doing this but the posters were just that boring and I really don't see the point of looking at posters together.

At night I researched on people to contact. Since I was to give a talk on the last day, it would be hard to meet people. If I was to give a poster presentation, then there would have been easier one on one communications. And I don’t feel comfortable just walking up to people and asking for a job. The conference provided people with everyone’s name, email address and which company or university they were from. I contacted people from 5 big pharma companies and only one of them was interested in what I'm doing, nanoparticle delivery of therapeutics. The others are conservative and only want to do what they have been doing all along, making libraries upon libraries of drugs without having a good way to deliver them. I met up with the vice president the next day and will visit their Frankfurt site next week. It was refreshing to see a big pharma company being interested in nanoparticles. I know that in the US, the inside story is that these companies are waiting for each other to show if it works. If it does, then the rest would jump in. In this case, waiting passively will not get you anywhere because using nanoparticles is the future. All their properties are better - pharmacokinetics, safety and efficacy. There is minimal risk in going into this, but with great gain. I'm not saying this because I'm working in this area. It just so happens that I am lucky enough to be working in something that has a future.

On Tuesday night I went to the speakers dinner which was held in a restaurant within the Reichstag. We arrived by bus at 8 pm and went through security. You were supposed to bring your ID, naturally I forgot but still got through. I'm not too keen on man made stuff, but this architecture was pretty nice. Still after a couple of minutes, I was done and starving. We finally had dinner at 9 and went back to the hotel after midnight. It was a long dinner, so it was good that I got to talk to this interesting and nice person, an editor of a journal. It turns out that he was a competitive cyclist in high school (cat 3) and was deciding whether to continue doing this or go to college. He chose college. At first he said he didn't regret it, but by the end of the evening, he concluded that he could have taken 4 or 5 years out after high school to see how far he could have gone in cycling and would likely end up in the same position he is in now if cycling was not for him. So he ended up encouraging me to pursue competitive cycling. Him being nice tried to introduce me to people to help get me a job, but I wasn't really interested. I think this is just me, but I either talk to a person for getting a job or I talk to a person out of personal interest. Combining them in my opinion is bad and I feel very contrived in doing this. I don't want to have ulterior motives when talking to people, nor do I want people to have ulterior motives when talking to me. I know this is pretty naive and utopian, but I'm not going to change it unless I absolutely I have to.

Wednesday was rather dull. I went for some talks, dozed off, had lunch and went around Berlin for the third time. This was with the conference people and we went for a walk and a boat cruise. The boat ride was the reason why I chose this excursion, but the ride was absolutely slow and fascinatingly boring. I was talking to a German guy and he loves to learn everything about Berlin. He seemed like an arrogant spoilt brat. When there was commentary in German but not in English, he had to translate everything to me....I really couldn't care less. I was so glad when the ride was over.

My talk was on Thursday a little after noon and it went pretty well. The people before me were clearly very nervous. I was nervous beforehand but not as nervous as the first time I gave a talk in Blacksburg. But while giving the talk, it was a little unnerving because there were bright lights shining into my eyes - I was certainly in the center of attention. My hand while holding the laser pointer was shaking a bit, but thankfully my voice was very smooth and sounded like a very mature person. In my humble opinion, I think my talk went well. But it’s always nice to have others backing this because it may just be in your head. Some people came up to me and said it was a beautiful presentation etc. And the cyclist guy I met earlier emailed me to congratulate me on my talk and said the presentation was excellent etc. A lot of people talk BS, but knowing how he is, I was very happy and flattered by his comments.

At night, I met with a person from a chemical company that I had contacted earlier. I thought it would just be a half hour meeting. But he ordered drinks and later we had dinner. So it turned out to be a five hours meeting. I thought he was interested in my research, but pretty soon I found out that he was just bored and had no plans for the evening. He was interested in my background and why I want to stay in Germany. Him being Chinese said I would have a better time in the US, because in Germany, from his experience, even if people are nice to you, they don’t want to accept you into their circles. You know how some people just like to hear themselves talk, he was such a person. He made some good points and I did learn a lot from him although he did sound hypocritical. He told me that Germans do not accept outsiders, so he encouraged me to stay in the US. Yet, he also told me that his kids in the US are not accepted either. I never felt like an outsider in the US. In Australia yes, even though they claim to be multi-cultural that's all BS. People used to (not really sure now) look down on Asians because most Asians open restaurants or are blue-collars. While in the US, there are definitely a lot more Asians proportionally in high end and respectable jobs. I think what's being going on in Australia, may apply to Germany as well. There are very few Asians here, the only ones I have seen are maids and the few people I have seen on the streets look rather poor. If Germany is anything like Australia, then I'm definitely not going to stay here. Of equal importance, I just found out that pay in Germany is half that in US! This is because Germany has a nice overall plan with good retirement funds. As well, healthcare is good and education is pretty much free here, while Americans need to save up for college funds for their kids (if you have two, that would easily total half a million). However, I need money fast!

On Friday, I checked out of the hotel, went to the airport and rented a car and drove down to Dresden. Driving on the Autobahn was interesting. The left lane is for fast drivers, anything from 140 kph to maybe over 200 kph. Initially I was not comfortable doing 140 kph, now doing 160 kph is no big deal. It's really funny cos if you want to stay on the fast lane, you have to keep a constant look out on your rear mirror if there is a faster car behind you so that you move out of his way. Soon I arrived at Dresden. For some reason, I remember hearing that it was a nice town. But the events that has happened in this town made me happy to be outta there.

I booked my hotel in Dresden after making sure that it has parking. However, the car park just behind the hotel was full so I parked in another parking space. While I was checking in, I could see some people wondering around my car and realized that it was their designated space so I quickly went to move it. While I was walking up to my car. A man was shouting at me, 'Was ist das?!' yada yada (can't understand the rest). I apologized (in English which he could not understand) and moved the car and he was very happy. People who get worked up over little things are just pathetic. I went to my hotel room and discovered that there were many different plans for the internet including one for 1 month at a lower average rate. So I called the hotel staff and asked them if this particular internet provider is available in most places in Germany. I realize that the question was complicated but they couldn't speak English well and hang up on me! I was a bit shocked but I didn't expect too much from them anyways. I then went out to buy some grocery. While I was turning into another street, a car nearly crashed into me. He must have been going at over 50 mph on a small road, he narrowly missed me, swerved and locked wheels...that was sorta scary. At the grocery store I was pushed in front of by a 50+ yo man. I explained patiently to him that I was in front of him and that he shouldn't do that in English - all I got was a very blank look. And while backing up the car, I scratched the stupid car on the front bumper. The rental guy told me to check for all signs of scratches etc carefully and note everything down. I might have to pay a lot of money for this - I will have a wonderful time back at the rental place. Random thought, they have their ads all over the car - do I get paid for advertising for them? When I got back to the hotel, I discovered that the bathroom in my room stunk of sewer - it was absolutely awful. I was considering not showering that night. So I went downstairs to talk to reception, if I call them they will probably just hang up again. I changed rooms which was much better but still not good. It smelt like the urinals, but still steps above the strong sewer smell. After all these events, I was just happy to start the drive away from Dresden and into Munich.

Confused in Berlin

I'm now in Berlin. The city is great and the people are surprisingly nice and friendly. Not everyone can speak English fluently and many can't understand it. There were a few people who became especially embarrassed that they can't speak English properly when I should have been the one to feel that way for not knowing their language. There was also this person who spoke absolutely no English and kept on asking me if I'm from Denmark - no idea where that came from. I went around Berlin city yesterday and did a bike tour ride with a group around Berlin again today. Terribly bored, not interested in history or the arts - it's more like being there, done that. And the other tourists look bored too. I'll go on yet another tour around Berlin with the conference people in a few days (Berlin fever). The transport system is superb and being German very on time. I used the S-bahn to get to and from the city without any problems. The weather has also being especially welcoming, always sunny at 22 oC. There is really nothing negative to say. Except for the fact that a lot of people stare at me. It's true that there are very few Asians here and they are mostly from the southeast. I don't exactly mind being stared at although it's a little creepy and uncomfortable, and I won't be able to have any 'picking nose' moments cos all my actions are being observed. As well it's interesting that people here seem to try hard to stand out rather than blend in, yet there is something about them that just makes them as a whole quite predictable and one of the same. Not necessarily a bad thing, just an observation.

Yet I don't know if I want to live in Germany, it doesn't feel like home. When I was leaving my apartment back in US, I felt so empty as if I'm leaving it forever. It's not that I love my apartment, it's just that I'm so afraid of making the wrong life decision. But perhaps more importantly, Germany is so flat! There are no mountains to do cycling :( I clearly thought about living in Germany and attending this conference before I made my decision about pro cycling.

I can't imagine myself doing another 2 years of research. Knowing that there is something else that I like more out there and not being able to pursue it full time just kills me. And this would most likely result in me over time becoming more and more disinterested and maybe even dislike research. I have wasted so much of my life pursuing things that I'm only half interested in, and when I have finally found what I'm interested in, I can't pursue it immediately - so sad and ironic. I believe I'm having what's known as a mid life crisis, except it's when I'm still young and I'm able to do something about it. I wish I have a rich and supportive family, so that I can get into full time cycling after I graduate. But since that's probably not going to happen, I think I'll work part time as a mechanic in a LBS and learn about bikes while on the job. I'll be happy with the maximum amount of money they are willing to pay me for my tremendous knowledge and skills in bikes....:P

Calvin and Hobbes

Guster - Careful

Cycling, Saddle Pain Explained, Knee, Life

Last Saturday I did the GMR-39 loop. I was supposed to join the club for an easier ride but of course I slept in. It's so hot and dry nowadays that I wake up out of thirst during the middle of the night, and it didn't help that on this particular night, my neighbors were constantly slamming doors. Until this point, I didn't know that doors could make such loud noises and send shudders throughout the whole building. You'd think that people in their 40s would have learnt to talk calmly and have some respect for others. Anyways, during the GMR climb, the muscle above my left knee started to scream and I was dreading to have to turn around. Then it stopped all of a sudden - so relieved. I wasn't particularly happy with my time, it increased from 2 h 32 min (one month ago) to 2 h 33 min. This was because I didn't push very hard for fear of aggravating my knee. But I was doing some low profile descents, speed increased so much by just being aero! And it felt so good too! :) So I thought I could make up for the time lost....oh well...Each time I go up GMR, there'd always be a lot of motorbikes racing up and down. Whenever I hear them come I'd get shivers. Sometimes they'd pass by pretty close, but apparently they pass by others even closer. There were cyclists complaining that the motorists gave way to me but scraped passed by them. Well, I guess there are some benefits of being a female cyclist. As I was descending and passing by GMR-GRR intersection, I came across a few motorists resting there to begin another round of crazy driving. A motorist dude stepped out and held out his water bottle for me as if I was a pro cyclist. hahaha that made my day, that time will come in the not too distant future :)

My new saddle with the huge cutout is great at relieving soft tissue pain, however, all the weight are now rested on an even smaller area - the pubic bones....and they started to protest pretty soon. Apparently keeping this up could lead to degenerative bone fracture :X So I tried to seat on my seat bones by moving the saddle forward and seating more backwards. Now I can say that I am finally privileged and lucky enough to experience seat bone pain (or at least some versions of it). Throughout my search for the perfect saddle and seeking the answer as to why it is that for women there is much more pain compared to men, I have concluded with the following. There will be some words used that maybe offensive for some people (aka bix) so be forewarned.

1. Female soft parts are located further down than males resulting in greater chance of seating on them.
2. This is worsened since the clitoris contains 2 times more nerve endings than an entire penis.
3. As well, the female pelvis is shallower than males meaning that even if you were seating on your seat bones, the soft tissues could still support your weight.

So there you have it, mystery solved.

Yesterday I went to physical therapy again, sigh, when will my knee be back to normal!? I was given more exercises to do including one with a flexible rope that you tie around yourself which was quite interesting. One of the exercises which involved supporting all your weight on one leg and doing 'leg presses' hurt my knee so much. I guess I will know when my knee is fully healed by using this exercise as a baseline. During the exercises, the lady who was helping me asked whether I still go to school and which grade I'm in. hmm seriously?! Do I look like a kid?! (though I do act like one when I'm happy :D) Before when people asked me if I'm still in school or not, I just assumed they meant whether I'm still in college, now I guess they must have meant whether I'm still in high school! I can't remember these days nor do I care to recount them....In 10 years time if I look 10 years younger then THAT would be flattering.

I wonder what life would be like in the future. I hope I'll be happy. I am content now but sometimes I feel like I am the only person in this world. I feel like no one understands me and that's a very lonely feeling. I'd feel less alone if I'm standing in the middle of the desert than in a place full of people who don't understand me. I'm looking forward to getting out of here. I think I have made a good choice career wise to come to this school, but not personally. Most people here are arrogant and place self worth by how smart they are and how many papers they have published....I think studying for so long have lead people to become tunnel visioned, because there is so much more to life than this. I long to be around normal people who have balanced life and who understand me.

Miike Snow - Animal

this song always lifts me up

Knee and Scary Stuff

sigh....my knee is still not good. I went to physical therapy last week and they suggested icing which has helped a lot. I also went to take a MRI to see if there are damages that were missed by the X-ray. The images didn't show anything peculiar except for the amount of fat I have. The fat content is absolutely amazing and strange because I don't think my legs look fat and they feel firm which lead me to believe that they were full of muscles - lol how I was wrong! After gaining this knowledge, I realize that people who have bodies that are considered skinny but with no definition actually have tonnes of fat beneath their skin. And people who have bulging muscles that are not defined means that there are also tonnes of fat beneath their skin. But when you can see individual muscles, that's when fat is at the minimal. Today I saw such a person (I make it sound like I've seen a miracle haha)....I went up for a ride in the mountains, something I haven't done in a month! Because my knee is getting better in that cycling no longer aggravates it if I don't stand up to pedal. I left early at 8 am (early for me these days) to avoid the heat to climb the 2. But it was already so hot. It took me 55 min from the bottom of the 2 to reach the intersection station. When I got off from the saddle to rest, I noticed that it was wet! And the instant I stopped moving I could feel that I was bathed in my sweat. As well the ledge that I sat on got wet from the sweat in the chamois. Yep it was a hot day. I have to say that I'm in love with my new saddle, sure there is still pressure (the weight has to go somewhere) but there is absolutely no chafing - so awesome! Oh yes, as I was cycling, I was passed by this dude with long curly hair. I've seen him a few times before and I think he has to be one of the fastest cyclists out there in the mountains. Omg I could see the individual muscles so clearly. I now look at my legs and they have some definition but with a lot of fat to give them a soft and supple look....so sad :( Yet I'm amazed that with so much fat I'm still faster than everyone at RB except for the pack. When I started cycling I remember being passed by most people at RB and getting a kick out of passing others. Now passing others has become routine. I don't know if other cyclists kill themselves each time they go out cycling. Because each time I cycle, I give it my all. I could feel that my heart couldn't keep up. It always takes a good painful 15 min for me to win the fight against my lazy body to go at a speed my mind considers to be decent.

Ok onto some scary stuff. Last week I thought I contracted cancer. I pricked myself with a needle that had been used to prick the vein of a mouse containing human breast tumor. I don't even know how it could have happened, but the needle just came flying into my finger. Blood instantly started to pool. I was freaked out. I squeezed as much blood out as I could, washed and wiped the wound with alcohol. As a scientist, I know that cancer cells are not contagious because your bodies immune system would recognize them as foreign and attack them till kingdom come. That's if there were even any cancer cells on the needle. However, I'm super crazy about health so I admitted myself to urgent care. After waiting for 1 hour I was seen by a nurse, not even a doctor. The nurse hasn't dealt with this situation before and had to call a doctor. So I waited and waited. I was so cold (the room must have been at at most 20 oC) and starving and my knee was hurting and I thought that I should probably just move on to the next life. Cycling is the one thing that I know I really want in my life and if my knee doesn't get better, that will be the end of that. And now with a looming prospect of cancer, my future looks bleak. After waiting for a total of 2.5 hours and putting my immune system in jeopardy from the cold and hunger (I need it to be strong to fight off any tumor cells), I gave up waiting and asked the nurse to call me back on what the doctor has to say. Conclusion, there is a loophole in the system in that people do not know how to deal with this. Mostly because no one hardly reports these incidents and also because they rarely cause anything...phew

My Poor Knee

I'm getting very bored lately. My knee has been hurting for 3 weeks now so I've been cutting back on cycling to only doing RB every other day or less. This all started when I was using my trainer at home. I was pedaling out of the saddle to strengthen my muscles for standing up cycling when I felt a sudden pain in my knee. I didn't think much about it since the pain resided quickly. However, it never went away. So I got my bike fitted, cut down my cycling, tried the dubbed miracle cure 'castor oil with heating', foam roller and did plenty of stretching, strengthening my quads and loosening the IT band. I don't know if any of these helped since my knee was still hurting. I was concerned and frustrated so I went to see an orthopeidic specializing in sports injury. He did an x-ray and said that the bone structure is perfect and concluded with what I already knew, patellofemoral syndrome. I asked him many questions but his answers were always vague. Basically the visit confirmed what I already knew and so did nothing. I was pretty pissed. Instead of going to the suggested typical physical therapy where they assume everyones body behave the same and teach you simple stretching exercises that I can find online, I found a chiropractor/physical therapist who has a md and who would theoretically know the cause of the pain and tailor it to my own body instead of following text book protocols.

Today I went to see this physical therapist. It's not a very good day to go because the day before I half crashed my bike and the pain from the knee is covered by pain elsewhere. So this is what happened....I decided to go for a ride around RB yesterday afternoon. As I rolled my bike to the car park, I realized that my car wasn't there and remembered that I had driven to work and parked there! So I rode without a helmet (since it's inside the car) and in normal shoes to get my car on the road. Near the end I decided to ride on the pavement because I don't want to be struck without a helmet. Then I came around a corner. I was cornering too fast and my bike went into the lawn by the pavement. All would have being well but that area had no grass and had a ledge. So the next thing I knew, I was falling but didn't fully fall because I caught my left foot on the left pedal and the right hand caught the wall and the right thigh got scraped. My absolutely awesome bike handling skills on display. With blood from my thigh and my shin/ankle swollen I drove to RB and did my ride.....ok back to physical therapy, I told my doctor about my background and he performed some stretches and think that the pain is because I have weak ACL and maybe damaged meniscus. But I'll have to take a MRI to be certain and then he will treat me accordingly. He seems to really know what he's talking about with no BS. He told me that the orthopedics I go to classify their patients as surgery or no surgery required, and that they prefer to do surgery, if they classify you as no surgery, they will just hand you down to a physical therapist - it all makes sense now. While I was there, he asked if I want to try out body manipulation. I thought sure, I'm always up for something new. He told me to lay on my stomach and take a deep breath and let it out, then he pressed on my back so hard that it felt like I was being stepped on by an elephant - there was the accompanying cracking sound. And it hurt! He went on to straighten out my neck. He twisted it one way then the other, the same technique that one uses to dislocate someone's head from their spine. At this point I was scared for my life but found the whole thing hilarious. I accused him of trying to kill me and I even tried to get up and run away. But through all this, I was laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes. I wonder if his other patients do this. Afterwards he asked me how I felt, I told him truthfully - that I felt like I just came back from the dead....I'm looking forward to getting the MRI and working with this doctor to fix my knee for good!

Thoughts

I'm rereading some of my previous posts and I realized how much has changed since the beginning of this year. For one I stopped running and swimming all together. These are like my flying, kung fu and numerous other one time hobbies, after a few tries, I realize I'm just not interested. But what has changed the most is that I've decided to take cycling more seriously now and in the future. Before I was very stressed about finding a good job, but now, the actual job is less important. I'm only going to work there for 2 years and I'm getting it to save up money. Location is the main thing, it needs to be near mountains, have cycling clubs and hopefully good weather too. It's so nice to have dreams and aspirations. Sure, I'd love to cure cancer, it brings me a feeling of accomplishment to know that I have helped people. But cycling brings me happiness. After I retire from cycling, I will have the rest of my life to achieve my cancer curing goal (if I still want to go down that path).

Of course mum is not pleased and kept telling me that I have studied so much and I'd be wasting my time in cycling. I explain to her that I believe life is simply too short to not be happy and one shouldn't live ones life according to what society dictates as a more respectable or prestigious path. If I don't try out cycling, I can imagine myself having a midlife crisis where I will realize that I have lived my life out for others instead of for myself. As well, why would I continue to go down a path when I know that another path would lead to more happiness? It's sorta like gambling, lots of people loose money because they feel that they have already invested in so much, and are not willing to give up - this of course, leads to them loosing more money and going in a downwards spiral. Even if, in the hopefully minuscule chances that I end up sucking as a cyclist, I'd know that I have given it a try and hence have no regrets :)

Years ago mum advised me that I should conform to society instead of make society conform to me. As you can see, I've always had the tendency to question social norms and break rules to suit myself (if I'm not hurting anyone, then what's the harm!?) At that point I thought what she said was wise because following what she suggested did make life smoother. But now I'm starting to doubt it being a good idea for me. I don't want to be pushed along by the flow of society, go through the motions in life and die having being just another society's puppet. I want to control my own destiny and never loose my individuality.

Tour

I've been watching the tour and I really couldn't have imagined myself been so into a sport. Actually I wouldn't call cycling a sport, it's a lifestyle (perhaps I'm jumping the gun a bit here haha). It was interesting to read about Wiggins father and their relationship. He talked about how his father left him and his mum and how he didn't have a father figure. It's so sad that his dad was in fact very proud of him but never told him that before he died. I'd prefer to be in his shoes than to be where I am at, where I have to pretend to love and respect my dad when in fact I absolutely loathe him for what he has done, for how he has been as a father and for his selfishness and arrogance. Which husband, father or person would make their pregnant wife and children do heavy labor, play psychological games with everyone including their family and believe that cheating is justified - yet so self blinded in their own greatness to think that they are the best father out there. Life would have been and would be so much better if he had left. But why would he when he had so much free labor?! I wouldn't go home if not for my mum and siblings there, seeing him and been near him makes me sick. One day I'll stop sending him fake father's day and birthday cards and presents. I'm happy for and indeed envious of people who have loving parents and who have a childhood filled with memorable experiences. I can't change my own family or my childhood, but I'll make sure that my children would have what I wanted so much but never had. Ok, enough ranting for one day!

Bike Fit, RB, Saddle & Ball

I finally got my bike fitted. The fit guy measured my flexibility, raised the saddle, adjusted the cleats, added some insole into my shoes, lowered the handle bar, increased the length of the handle bar stem (between each change, there was plenty of watching me ride and measuring leg angles). And we spent a lot of time looking for saddles. It was somewhat embarrassing explaining to him why the saddles were uncomfortable but none of them helped at all except for perhaps a ridiculous looking cut out one (Selle SMP Glider) - I may have to get that. We spent nearly 3 hours although normally it takes 1.5 hours. It would have gotten quite boring but he was interesting to talk to and I learnt a lot about cycling from him (and he's cute too). If I have his job fitting people on bikes I'd be bored out of my wits. I hope it's worth it, I'm now in a more aggressive position so I should be faster. But equally important, I hope it will resolve the knee issue.

Since I was all dressed for cycling, I went to do some laps at RB. I think doing laps around RB is quite deceiving, I pass almost everyone and it gives an artificial inflation of my own abilities. For example, last Sunday I was at RB doing laps (cos my knee was hurting) and I was passing everyone. In front of me, there was a guy who was also passing everyone, but he was slower than me so I overtook him. Then I felt that there was someone constantly behind me. It was super frustrating, idk if he wanted to overtake me or just draft behind. Anyway, after one lap, he came up and thanked me for the pull and said that I am a good rider. Haha that was the first time I helped someone and I was super proud of myself. So there I was doing laps around RB again. It was a Tuesday afternoon and I was interested to see how fast the pack was at the bowl. They were fast. I was doing 17 mph on the 'climbing' side and as they passed me, my speed went up miraculously to 20 mph without any extra effort. I did 2.5 laps for every 3.5 laps they do. This means that if I was constantly in their slipstream, I'd be able to keep up - which isn't bad at all. Yet they were highly arrogant and act like they own the road - they yelled at cars and told other cyclists to stay to the right. Basically anything and everything that is in their immortal path gets a whipping.

I tested out the bike fit on a longer ride - the typical GMR-39 loop. I'm not sure if it made me more efficient because the night before, I was being very smart which resulted in me screwing up the gears. So during the ride I was constantly fidgeting with the gears. As well, my chest was still hurting from the day before. I was sitting in front of the computer when suddenly I felt my chest been constricted and pressure been put on it. Since I'm crazily health conscious, I got an EKG. The doctor said that I have a perfectly healthy heart and asked if I'm stressed. I told her that I've been constantly stressed since the beginning of this year and even if I'm stressed now, I really wouldn't know since I'm so used to it. Apparently stress adds up and it can lead to chest pain. Anyway the pain was totally gone by the end of the ride, in total I did 2h 32 min (4 min down from 4 weeks ago).

Now that I am in a more aggressive position, the saddle pain is worse :( Today I went to a bike shop that participates in the Selle SMP try out program. The owner of the shop is a funny yet arrogant German dude. He immediately criticized my bike fit and says he knows cos he's being doing this for 25 years. I think he does know a lot but there seems to be more talk than walk. I tried out the Glider and Pro saddles....idk, but it doesn't feel much different from my current saddle. During the try out, there was a lady who went to pick up her cruiser bike. She asked if I'm racing (typical), I said to her not now but I'll when I get better, she said that you look so cute on the bike, you will be on TV, you will be famous (typical LA talk), and be in Tour de France (lol I wish!). After spending 1 hour in the shop, I still have no clue what saddle to get...

I'm doing all I can to build a good foundation in cycling. I just used my stability ball for the first time and did some exercises to improve my core. Conclusion: I have no stability! The ball rolls away faster than I can catch it.

Cycling and Others

Today I rode to Charlton Flats. It's getting very hot now and the sun is burning me even with tonnes of spf 60+ sunscreen. Each time I get back from a ride, I get an extra tan line - which if planned and executed strategically, can be made into a gradual tan smear (instead of a horrible line). Still, I don't want to have uneven colors on me as well each time you get tanned, it's actually skin damage. So I got arm and leg coolers which look ridiculous but I have to wear them. Of course, I don't want to look THAT ridiculous so I wear arm coolers one day and leg coolers the next. Today I put on my leg coolers and had to explain to some ignorant cyclists that they are not leg warmers. There were many cyclists on the 2. I passed an old woman cyclist, then I felt that she had to keep me in her sight. And after several miles, the awkward moment when you are overtaken by a 50+ years old woman happened. As I looked at her wrinkled cottage cheese legs, I wondered where the power came from. After awhile, she couldn't keep it up, but I decided not to pass her since we are close to the rest stop. I then rode on to Red Box and from there to Charlton Flats. This was my first time riding to Charlton Flats. It had beautiful scenery especially in the beginning.

Random fact 1: I just realized that I am double-jointed. Apparently only 1% of the population is. I can rotate my shoulders and elbows a full 180 degrees and make my thumb touch my forearm (it feels very normal, but it does look quite odd because I've never seen others doing it). And people who are double-jointed are very unresponsive to anesthesia. No wonder! I woke up hallucinating during my wisdom teeth removal operation. And when I removed my big toe nail I needed 3 shots instead of the typical 1 shot of anesthesia. I wonder if there are any advantages to being double-jointed? hmmm

Random fact 2: When it comes to dating, I just realized that I have very high standards. Actually I don't think they are high standards, it's just that not many people meet that standard. Anyway, I met this guy who was fit, smart and quite good looking (and when he smiles he looked like Jude Law). And he was very very nice to me. So I decided to give him a chance and in the process give myself a chance. Not a good idea! I got so annoyed at him I nearly killed myself. He agrees with every single thing I say and I am always correct. If I love myself that much I can just look at the mirror all the time. I want someone who's not afraid to state his own opinion and who can challenge me, is that too much to ask?! Apparently so.

I can't wait to go home. I plan to cycle 5 times a week. I will be taking my little brother or sister on my 'recovery rides' :) And when I get home all exhausted and starving, I shall eat mum's awesome cooking. I will have so much fun surrounded by people that I love. I've already told mum about this, so she'd be doing what she likes best, cooking for the family aka me, and I will be doing what I like best, eating her delicious cooking :D

Damn! My left knee hurts so much from cycling. I may have to cut my ride short tomorrow :( I'm getting my bike professionally fitted.

Cycling Report 7/1 - 7/7

I shall write in chronological order.

Last Sunday I went up Mt Wilson. As I was going up Angeles Crest highway, I saw a bumper of a mustang hanging off the edge of the cliff. Before long, there were police blocking off the left lane and what looked look flame retardants on a long stretch of the blocked off lane. Then all was well and I continued up the climb. Actually, I can't remember much of that ride since it happened awhile ago (aka 6 days ago). But I can't forget this. While I was descending Mt Wilson, I saw what looked like a huge furry brown dog dashing across the road. Then I realized it was a baby bear! One moment it was crossing the road, the next it was by the foot of the cliff and the next it was climbing the cliff like no tomorrow. I'm surprised they are so fast and so good at climbing. It looked really scared. I was equally scared but also in awe. I was glad that I was descending, because where there is baby bear, there is bound to be a mother bear. If I had been ascending I'd be doing an astonishing 6mph and that would have been a easy chase for the mother bear. Ha, it's ironic cos I go to Yellowstone to see bears without any luck, and now I see a baby bear in my backyard. If I was 2 seconds later I'd have missed it, 2 seconds earlier there would have been a collision - hence it was perfect timing!

This Wednesday I did the backside of GMR with the club. I don't know why they always like to do the backside, I prefer the frontside cos you finish the climb early on. And I really can't feel the grade difference between front and backside. I think I don't have much endurance....after just a short climb, my whole body becomes tired and it just doesn't want to do anything anymore. I have to have strong determination to keep moving at a 'fast' rate. Anyway, I started the ride out with a lady but I soon 'dropped her like a hot potato'. There was also another girl whom I rode with 4 months ago, at that time we were pretty much the same speed. But now I am without a doubt miles ahead of her. However I still can't keep up with the guys - it kills me! Yet, when I was coming back, there was a bunch of guys whom I don't know, but who must have seen me cycling who stated to me 'you are strong.' Hmm I don't think so. If I was a leisure cyclist just doing it for fun, then I'd be fine with my strong performance. But since I want to be serious, I'm not happy at all at my mediocre performance.

Today I did GMR-39 loop with a ride to Mt Baldy village. In total 58 miles. It's one of the hardest rides I've done and it was pretty epic. I started out the usual having parked at the bottom of 39. Soon I reached GMR, the climb was pretty good. I didn't feel very tired and I rested at the top of GMR and used the makeshift restroom. A couple of guys came and they asked me where I'm headed. Once I told them that I'm going up to Baldy village, one of the guys wanted to go too, but didn't succeed in convincing his buddy. That may have actually been a good decision on their part. I happily rode away on GRR. I had about 3/4 bottle of water left and I thought it would be enough till Baldy. Not so! It was HOT. By mile 2, I was already feeling dehydrated and wanting more water but I know that I should be more frugal. By mile 5, I was out of water and not very happy. By mile 6, the cyclists in front of me turned around - I assume they were out of water and didn't want to climb anymore. A thought crept in my head for me to turn around too. It's a descent to the store on E-folk. But I wanted to complete what I started and there was 'only' 6 miles left. So I pedaled on. I was feeling quite sleepy and tried to stay focused. I wondered if I could follow some animals to their water hole. Then I thought about asking some cyclists for water, but I was pretty sure that they were in the same situation. I rode as fast as I could to the water stop at Baldy. The last part was great because it was a descent - but I used all the energy I had left to stay focused. And finally, I reached the water station. Drinking water felt so good. There was a cyclist there who started talking to me, I opened my mouth and realized that I couldn't speak properly anymore from the dehydration. Anyway, he also had the water problem and he and his friends filled up their water bottles at the store on E-folk. That is only 18 miles away! I rode 28 miles on 1l of water....soon his friends came and they were highly dehydrated, they were the guys whom I had passed earlier and thought about asking for water. I'm glad I didn't. One of them said to me 'you passed me so fast like I was standing still' - haha, but they were standing still, they were resting in the shade! I rested about 20min by my water savior. Another cyclist came who wished me a safe ride home - which I really needed because as soon as I got back on the bike, I felt like I wanted to fall asleep again. The fact that it was such a hot day didn't help the slightest. Then as I was descending on E-folk and on 39, wind started to pick up. It was mostly sideways or head on - never tailwind. And it was so strong to the point where I thought it was going to pick me and my bike up along with it. I think my bike at 10.3 kg helped me to stay grounded. In total it took me 4h 44min excluding 30min rest. I think I have burnt 2700 calories from cycling. I consumed 2 cliff bars, a waffle and a powerbar - total 870 calories on top of what I normally eat in one day. It looks like I'm having a negative calorie day. I have to eat more otherwise all this effort would go to waste!!

Confused

I am very confused and sad. I don't know if I want to move to Germany anymore. Like I mentioned in my previous post, the main reason why I want to live in Germany is because people there are more straightforward. Yet, there are at least 2 small towns in the US that offers the same thing (and people are also genuinely nice).

The other reason why I want to live in Germany is because it's surrounded by other countries, and travelling is so easy - I love to experience and learn about different cultures, their beliefs and practices. Yet, having being to around 6 states in the US, they are pretty different too. So here are some things about Germany that I really don't like. Germans are known to be more racist and less accepting of different ideas and values. For instance, when I was relating to the old German guy from DASF that a friend of mine who is applying there was asked for his high school transcript. The German guy said, when you apply just give it to them, and have them translated. I asked, translate into German? He said into English. This assumption is very rude. And them being less accepting of change or new things is reflected by having rules that must be followed or things that must be done a certain way. I love my freedom and the ability to do whatever I want. Driving around especially in the middle of nowhere helps me to feel free. Yet with 80 millions people living in Germany in an area half the size of Texas, this can't be easily done. The thought of living in this cramped country is suffocating. I've also learnt recently that Germans smoke A LOT - I hate smoking and dislike people who smoke because 1. I get headaches from cigarette smokes and 2. I think people who smoke are inconsiderate in that they are making others around them smoke passively. As well, I have to learn German - which I have to confess that I totally suck at.

Ok, so it may seem that I'm saying all the bad things about Germany, but the fact is that I was very optimistic and tried to think of only the good things. And I thought that I have made my decision about going to Germany so why think negatively?! However after finding out that I had generalized way too much about American people, I'm seriously having second opinions. I'm still going to go to the Berlin conference in a couple of months, I'll see how I like it there first hand. This is also meant to be my job finding opportunity. But if I don't like it there, I'll just look for jobs here. Which opens a whole can of worms in itself, cos I really don't know where I want to live in the US......so bloody confused.