Thoughts

I'm rereading some of my previous posts and I realized how much has changed since the beginning of this year. For one I stopped running and swimming all together. These are like my flying, kung fu and numerous other one time hobbies, after a few tries, I realize I'm just not interested. But what has changed the most is that I've decided to take cycling more seriously now and in the future. Before I was very stressed about finding a good job, but now, the actual job is less important. I'm only going to work there for 2 years and I'm getting it to save up money. Location is the main thing, it needs to be near mountains, have cycling clubs and hopefully good weather too. It's so nice to have dreams and aspirations. Sure, I'd love to cure cancer, it brings me a feeling of accomplishment to know that I have helped people. But cycling brings me happiness. After I retire from cycling, I will have the rest of my life to achieve my cancer curing goal (if I still want to go down that path).

Of course mum is not pleased and kept telling me that I have studied so much and I'd be wasting my time in cycling. I explain to her that I believe life is simply too short to not be happy and one shouldn't live ones life according to what society dictates as a more respectable or prestigious path. If I don't try out cycling, I can imagine myself having a midlife crisis where I will realize that I have lived my life out for others instead of for myself. As well, why would I continue to go down a path when I know that another path would lead to more happiness? It's sorta like gambling, lots of people loose money because they feel that they have already invested in so much, and are not willing to give up - this of course, leads to them loosing more money and going in a downwards spiral. Even if, in the hopefully minuscule chances that I end up sucking as a cyclist, I'd know that I have given it a try and hence have no regrets :)

Years ago mum advised me that I should conform to society instead of make society conform to me. As you can see, I've always had the tendency to question social norms and break rules to suit myself (if I'm not hurting anyone, then what's the harm!?) At that point I thought what she said was wise because following what she suggested did make life smoother. But now I'm starting to doubt it being a good idea for me. I don't want to be pushed along by the flow of society, go through the motions in life and die having being just another society's puppet. I want to control my own destiny and never loose my individuality.