Confused in Berlin

I'm now in Berlin. The city is great and the people are surprisingly nice and friendly. Not everyone can speak English fluently and many can't understand it. There were a few people who became especially embarrassed that they can't speak English properly when I should have been the one to feel that way for not knowing their language. There was also this person who spoke absolutely no English and kept on asking me if I'm from Denmark - no idea where that came from. I went around Berlin city yesterday and did a bike tour ride with a group around Berlin again today. Terribly bored, not interested in history or the arts - it's more like being there, done that. And the other tourists look bored too. I'll go on yet another tour around Berlin with the conference people in a few days (Berlin fever). The transport system is superb and being German very on time. I used the S-bahn to get to and from the city without any problems. The weather has also being especially welcoming, always sunny at 22 oC. There is really nothing negative to say. Except for the fact that a lot of people stare at me. It's true that there are very few Asians here and they are mostly from the southeast. I don't exactly mind being stared at although it's a little creepy and uncomfortable, and I won't be able to have any 'picking nose' moments cos all my actions are being observed. As well it's interesting that people here seem to try hard to stand out rather than blend in, yet there is something about them that just makes them as a whole quite predictable and one of the same. Not necessarily a bad thing, just an observation.

Yet I don't know if I want to live in Germany, it doesn't feel like home. When I was leaving my apartment back in US, I felt so empty as if I'm leaving it forever. It's not that I love my apartment, it's just that I'm so afraid of making the wrong life decision. But perhaps more importantly, Germany is so flat! There are no mountains to do cycling :( I clearly thought about living in Germany and attending this conference before I made my decision about pro cycling.

I can't imagine myself doing another 2 years of research. Knowing that there is something else that I like more out there and not being able to pursue it full time just kills me. And this would most likely result in me over time becoming more and more disinterested and maybe even dislike research. I have wasted so much of my life pursuing things that I'm only half interested in, and when I have finally found what I'm interested in, I can't pursue it immediately - so sad and ironic. I believe I'm having what's known as a mid life crisis, except it's when I'm still young and I'm able to do something about it. I wish I have a rich and supportive family, so that I can get into full time cycling after I graduate. But since that's probably not going to happen, I think I'll work part time as a mechanic in a LBS and learn about bikes while on the job. I'll be happy with the maximum amount of money they are willing to pay me for my tremendous knowledge and skills in bikes....:P